got my plans in a zip-lock bag

I recieved a phone call yesterday. I have "unofficially" been offered the state job. When I saw the number on my caller ID, I immediately began screaming (in my head). All the screaming kind of blocked out most of the conversation. The bits and pieces I remember are as follows:

1) They want to know if I am interested because as far as they are concerned, I am who they want to hire.
2) They have to file some paperwork to make it official. They will call me.
3) I can give my two weeks notice. If I can start in less than two weeks that'd be cool, too. (Only due to the screaming in my head, I neglected to ask if I should give my notice now, or wait until things are "official.")

That's all I can remember. Seriously. I remember thinking, I really should try to focus on what she's saying, but I couldn't quiet the celebration going on in my head. I didn't realize just how good this would feel. I finally have a job that requires my college education. I will have weekends and holidays off. I will finally have a salary that does more than cover my bills.

I'm just happy. I can finally start working towards putting plans into motion, rather than just making plans.

Now I just have the task of putting in my two weeks notice. That's going to be hard to do because all I ever hear is how glad they are to have finally found me for the cash office. While I am more than thrilled to have found a better job, I know that my leaving is going to be hard on them because they have come to depend on me in the three short months I've been there. It's going to be hard, but I know that I will not look back.

I'm a hog for you, baby...

...can't get enough of your love.

That song makes me smile.

Last weekend I was able to go up to State College to visit John and Michelle. It was a nice relaxing weekend. We watched movies, ordered take-out, and just enjoyed some quality time. I was also able to spend some time with Sarah and Nigel. Those two days were needed in order for me to maintain some semblance of sanity. When I am with John, I just want time to slow down a bit. I just want to be able to soak in every moment, remember every hug, file away every laugh. That way I can refuel and last another month without suffering an emotional breakdown :)

Thankfully I don't have to wait another month to see John. He's coming to visit me for my birthday. It may be another month until I see Michelle though :(

A week and a half ago, I had that job interview for the state. It went well. They have been contacting my references, and they requested my college transcripts. This is more than what they've done in the past. It seems like a good sign, but I'm not holding my breath. It's hard not to get my hopes up. This job would be a huge pay raise, I'd have health benefits, vacation, sick days, WEEKENDS! I miss having off two consecutive days.

Time for this girl to go to bed. We now open an hour earlier on Saturdays. That means I have to get up earlier, and we all know how much I like my sleep!

I've been too lazy to write in here. It seems like a lot has happened, yet when I try to think of anything it all seems like a lot of nothing.

Just to hit the highlights:
1. September 5th - my car's transmission dies
2. September 13th - pick up my car and pay $1400 to fix transmission
3. September 16th - go to ER due to severe back pain/spasms, get muscle relaxer and vicodin
4. September 21st - in 4 car accident, car totaled, 2nd ER visit, more vicodin
5. October 5th - buy new car

I just realized that it was exactly a month from the day my transmission in my old car died to the day I bought my new car. Odd.

The accident wasn't really that bad. Just bad enough to cause an extremely stiff neck and back. The insurance company wasn't too bad to deal with since the guy admitted he was at fault. His insurance paid for my broken car and my rental car and my new cell phone.

Enough about that. It's finally over.

Work is going as well as can be expected. I did have an interview today for a state job. I hope I get it because it would pay really well, benefits are good, weekends off, etc. On the other hand, I really won't be that upset if I don't get it. I just don't know what I want right now.

I finally get to see John this weekend. I can't wait. It's nice to have something to look forward to. I need that every once in a while.

you never know what you're going to get

This summer has flown by just like past summers. The last few weeks have been surprisingly busy. Interviews, cleaning and race weekends take up a lot of time. Not that I am complaining.

Last weekend I was in State College for the Tour de 'Toona. Michelle's house was packed full 'o cyclists. Only one thing could have made the weekend better... cooler weather. Other than that it was perfect. I was able to spend time with Sarah, I got to know Betsy, and hanging out with Matt (one of Michelle and John's future roommates) was interesting. We made yummy food, cooked out one night, went for milkshakes at Myer Dairy, and had good conversation for three nights. It was one of those weekends when you don't want Monday to arrive.

Yesterday, I received a rather unexpected message from a person I believed I had managed to let exist as only a memory from my past. Strange how one message can bring up so many feelings you forgot you had.

Right now, I am off to get ready to go see a movie with my future step-sister. It's not a movie I want to see, but I am trying to build a friendship. And if that means having to sit in an air conditioned theater for 2 hours, I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

rrrr-ibbit

blog-ity, blog-ity, blog-ity, blog.

Every time I entertain the thought of typing up a quick update, one of three things happens:
1) My funny anecdotal stories don't seem so amusing one I read them,
2) I realize I don't really have anything to say, or
3) I quickly push the thought of updating out of my head and consider taking a nap.

Nothing much to report really. Just helping out around here. Cleaning up the junk in the woods, mowing the lawn (with the BEAST!), and cooking and cleaning. Boring, boring, bor.... *snore*

Yeah, the beast. I used to be slightly afraid of the rather large yellow riding mower grandpa bought a few years ago. Mowing the lawn has never been pleasant for me. First, there are the allergies. Second, our little John Deer riding mower was such a bumpy ride that I always walked away with bruises on my knees (which hit the corners of the mower under the steering wheel). And did I mention the allergies?

Well the allergies have not magically disappeared. But the bruising issue has been fixed. And I've conquered my fear of the beast. And, might I actually say this... I can't wait to mow again! The beast is one of those mowers that has 2 levers instead of a steering wheel. Once you get used to it, it's quite fun! Plus the seat is cushy. Can't complain there. And as long as you go slow, the bumps aren't too bad. Let's just say that it's a good thing I have made friends with the beast. Mowing the lawns using the push mower would take forever. I'm not even kidding.

Another bonus to mowing the lawn, you can work on your tan.

Since it didn't rain today, I made sure to spend a bit of time outside. In the larger pond, there is a plethora of frogs/toads. And you know spring has arrive when you witness a froggy orgy. Seriously. There was this one poor froggy, I am guessing his hormones were raging. He kept trying to break up a froggy couple, but kept getting rejected with loud "clucks" (I don't even know how to describe the noise they made. It must have been some good lovin'') and kicks to the gut. But he was not deterred. He kept checking in every 10-15 minutes to see if perhaps the froggy couple had changed their mind. They never did.

Meanwhile, another froggy couple remained in a trance-like state. Even when I walked over next to them, they didn't move a millimeter. All the other froggies kept blowing up their chests and belting out their calls to one another. It was kind of neat to see the Discovery Channel in your back yard.

Yeah, I warned you that I didn't have much to talk about! I've resorted to talking about frog sex!

Next time, I promise to refrain from talking about frogs.

and again. . .

I fully intended on writing an actual entry. But since I was bored, I did quizzes instead. Sometimes I am disturbed as how answering a few questions can yield a result that is so... close to the truth? Anyway. Maybe it's just a coincidence.

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

hrm

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low. You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable. You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea. While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test

there were so many fewer questions when the stars were still just the holes to heaven

Time has continued to pass. Too quickly for my liking, but who am I to complain.

Lately, I've been feeling better, feeling better emotionally I should say. Since I haven't been physically ill, just emotionally spent. Emotionally frazzled to the point where I didn't want to deal with how I was feeling, but realizing that ignoring reality hurts more than facing it head on.

I've been watching Discovery Health channel lately. Oddly enough it has helped me to keep things in perspective. There is a ton of shitty things happening to people. There are children who ask their parents "why me," and there is no answer. There is no "why" for what so many people have to endure. Watch some of those shows sometime. You'll feel incredibly blessed. Blessed that you look "normal," blessed that you're healthy, blessed that you weren't born only to live knowing that you'll die much to soon. As much as it's possible to come away from some of those stories feeling depressed, I come away feeling incredibly thankful for my life.

I've been helping grandpa clean up the junk pit. Everything someone wanted to get rid of ended up in the junk pit. It's terrible really. Right now grandpa is on cleaning streak, wanting to clean out the junk and recycle a lot of it. I can't refuse to help. It's needed to be done for years. He got well over $800 for taking in all the copper he collected. Who knew the junk pit would be a gold mine?

I had an interview. They said I'd hear back by the end of this week if I were to get a 2nd interview. Still no word, and the week is quickly coming to an end. It looks as if I'll just end up in the state clerical pool. Which means I'll be moving to Harrisburg eventually. Shit.

Relationships are a lot of work. A lot of good times, and a fair share of bad times. Enough said.

There are a lot of people getting engaged. I hate weddings. I can't remember a wedding that I've actually enjoyed going to.

An old friend has been going through some pretty shitty stuff. I feel bad for not keeping in touch, but I know that even if I had, I wouldn't have been much help anyway. When someone told me he was having a hard time, I didn't know just how bad it would all become. I want to call, but I have no number. I want to email, but I don't know what to say. There's always a but.

Well, I should go to bed, but I think I'll write that email first.

we could end up broken hearted

It's been a while. It seems like there is so much to talk about, yet nothing of importance to report.

I spent almost a week in State College recently. I was there to take Michelle to her surgury, and make sure she didn't bleed to death afterwards. Everything went well. She's still alive.

Zoe and Milo (my cats) came along for the ride. They stayed behind when I came home. I think it's good for them to have a little human interaction. Having them aroud for an entire week made me realize how much I miss them. They can be infuriating, yet so adorable at the same time. I love my kittens.

John is away this weekend, racing his bike. I go back up to State College on Sunday for my interview on Monday. It has been yet to be determined whether or not I'll stay for a few days since it's Spring Break.

I told you there wasn't much to talk about.

someday somebody's going to ask you a question you should say yes to

Ah, Valentine's Day is just around the corner. So close you can smell the chocolates, roses, and seething singletons. This is a "holiday" you either love or hate; and it usually depends on your relationship status, or lack thereof. Wait. Since I don't fall into either of the love or hate categories, I suppose I should also include a category for people who are ambivalent.

I have had my share of "single" Valentine's Days (when I sadly fell into the "hate" category), and I've had a few during which I was coupled. Personally, I think that the idea of a day to express your love is quite nice. I mean why not? But more often than not, we tend to be let down because our V-day doesn't live up to the media-hyped ideal we are expecting. That's what I don't like about this particular day. I have sadly fallen into the media trap, and let myself become disappoint; when in all reality my V-day was exactly what I should have expected. So now I can honestly say that I enjoy Valentine's Day, but I approach it with caution, with no expectations.

I just want to take this time to remember my most memorable Valentine's Day. It was one during which I was decidedly single by choice...

February 14, 2002:

A few months earlier, John had expressed his feelings (Yeah, I forgot about that! Feelings, imagine that!) concerning me and a relationship he hoped to persue. I continued to want to remain friends, yadda yadda yadda. It was hard to continue acting as if nothing happened. I knew how hard it must be to essentially put yourself out there, only to be rejected.

We continued to talk almost every night. I would wait up until he finished work, often talking until the early morning hours (unless I had an exam). One night(February 13), I'm talking to my suitemate and waiting for John. The topic turns to John, and how if I don't want a relationship I need to let him know once and for all. So I write that email. You know, the one saying I don't want to be in a relationship right now, yadda yadda yadda. Once I am finished, I hesitantly send it. The whole time, my suitemate is basically cheering me on, telling me I need to send this email like...yesterday. I never question why she is so adament about me sending this horrible email. She knows something I don't know. It's 2AM and John still isn't on AIM. Where is he?

There's a knock at my door. WTF? Who is knocking, don't they know it's 2AM and my roommate is trying to sleep? I answer it. There stands Brad with a grin on his face. And around the corner is John, holding a huge vase of roses. Beautiful roses. I feel like I am going to vomit. Remember that email?

While I graciously accept the flowers, I head back down to Brad's room with John. John wants to check his email before heading home (this is a 6-8 hour roundtrip, depending on who is driving!). I ask him not to read the email from me until he gets home. He agrees. I need to think of damage control! I can't hurt my friend's feelings after such a grand gesture. John goes home.

The next day I walk around campus with a huge smile on my face, but the happiness is bittersweet. Erin tells everyone about my roses, I tell them how I am a horrible person. My dorm room smells like roses, a constant reminder of how terrible I feel when I remember that damn email. John and I talk. He says he's happy that I loved the roses, and that he's okay with just being friends. Bullshit ;) How can he be okay? I wouldn't be okay!

Needless to say, a little more than a month later we start dating. Why is this my favorite Valentine's Day? Because despite me being the stupid "I just want to be friends" girl we all hate, John persued me. Every girl wants to be persued, and every girl should experience being persued at least once in her life. It feels great. And while I sometimes wonder if John ever regrets persuing me, I know I am grateful that he didn't give up, now that I know what I would have been missing.

Afterwards, the universe will explode for you pleasure.

Nothing exciting to report. I've been reading quite a bit. I read Memoirs of a Geisha, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Every time I went to a book store, I would glance at the book, telling myself that I would eventually read it. Since the movie came out, I figured it was time. Seeing the movie without reading the book would have ruined the reading experience for me. Now I have to get around to seeing the movie.

Today I started, and finished, reading Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry. I loved her book The Giver, and I equally enjoyed this book. I would recommend either of these books. Both are quick reads with profound messages. Go. Read. Enjoy.

In other news, I am waiting to hear about another interview. The job search continues. I am considering moving back to Dauphin County if I can find a decent job there. We'll see.

don't walk me half the way home

It's pretty late, so this will be a short, quick entry. I know it's been a while, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and devote a good five or ten minutes to updating.

Christmas has come and gone. So has 2000 and 5. John and I managed to fit in a good 4 full Christmas-type meals in a span of 3 weeks. Today (yesterday?) was our family's annual Christmas-time get together. It was, as always, a good time to be had by all. I made the desserts. Well, John made the sugar cookies, but I made my Black Forest Torte and a cheesecake (made from scratch!!). Everything turned out delicious. The best part is that with 17 people it means that I won't be eating leftovers for the next two weeks!

Michelle and I gave grandma her surprise Christmas gift. An afghan I made (Michelle buying the yarn so it'd be from the both of us).

Apparently it was such a big hit, I managed to "sell" my first afghan. Mom's boyfriend wants me to make one for his mother. It will be the exact same pattern and colors as the one in the picture.

I still haven't heard anything about the caseworker job. I should hear something, one way or another, by the end of next week. New Year's Eve was fun. Nothing exciting, but pleasant once the party started.

It's off to bed for me.

The end.

PS. This took more than the 5-10 minutes I had allotted to updating because uploading a picture on dial-up is a pain in the arse. The end... again.